Never
by HP Fiction Writer
Summary: MPREG. Harry finds out he's pregnant, and it's not welcome news.


TITLE: Never

STATUS/PART: 1/1

RATING: PG 13

PAIRING: Harry/??? (Not stated)

SPOILERS: None

WARNINGS: Very Dark Themes

DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

SUMMARY: Harry finds out he is pregnant, and it's not wanted news.

ARCHIVE: If any of you have websites and wish to post this, it's okay by me, just please let me know first, okay?

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is single handedly, without a doubt THE darkest thing I have EVER written, and probably isn't for everyone. I'm honestly not sure where this came from, a bunny hopped into my head, I began typing, and this is what came out. I'm warning you now, this is a DARK story, there are things in here that are not suited for everyone, and some of you might become upset over. PLEASE don't read it if you are very sensitive. You have been warned, so I don't want any flames. Also, I never specified a pairing, I decided to leave it up to each reader's own imagination as to who the other parent is.

I never wanted it, not from the moment I found out about it.

I had been sick for awhile, three weeks to be exact, and everyone had finally pressured me into going to the Hospital Wing to find out what was wrong with me. More like forced me, when I had nearly passed out during Quiddich practice.

It was there that I found out about the . . .thing . . . that was growing inside of me. It was using my body for it's own little playground, as if I had invited it in there. Some might argue that I HAD invited it in, that I had willingly had intercourse, and was therefore responsible for my actions. It wasn't my fault though, nobody had ever bothered to tell me that a wizard could get pregnant, if I had known BELIEVE ME there would have been some sort of precaution taken. I didn't want a child.

I begged Madame Pomfrey to abort it, and she looked at me as if I had grown an extra head or something. She then proceeded to talk to me in a soft voice as if I were a toddler, telling me that I was just in a bit of shock and didn't really mean it, to just give it a few days to sink in and I'd change my mind. I tried to tell her that no, I wouldn't, but still she refused to perform an abortion. She tried to tell me that because my body was different than that of a woman, any type of traditional abortion she might try to perform would cause me to bleed to death. Honestly, at that point in time I didn't care . . .just so long as I no longer had the thing inside of me.

After trying to calm me down some, she went out into the hallway to tell Professor Dumbledore what was going on, and I made her send Ron and Hermione in so that I could tell them myself. Ron didn't say much, just looked a bit uncomfortable, and Hermione began with the questions . . .the hows, the whys, the whos . . . .apparently nobody had told her that a wizard could become pregnant, either. When Dumbledore came in I could tell by the look he gave me that he knew I had wanted to kill the thing.

It wasn't long after that before everyone knew. I will never quite understand how gossip managed to fly so quickly, I guess it's all because it had to do with me. To this day I'm still not sure how you found out, if it was from me or from someone else . . .I try my hardest to block out my memories from that time. I just remember you watching me a lot, making sure I was taking care of myself.

By my fourth month, I was beginning to show. It wasn't much, mind you, but if you looked really hard you could tell. I was also getting more desperate to keep this pregnancy from happening. I never wanted it to begin with, and watching it distort my body like that was making me hate it even more.

One morning, when I thought nobody was around, I stood at the top of the staircase by the Great Hall and stared down it. It was a long way down, and there were enough stairs that if I hit each of them just right it should be enough to cause a miscarriage. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and let myself fall forward, waiting for the impact of the first step to come.

I was waiting for nothing, however. I felt something grab hold of me and stop my fall. When I opened my eyes, Ron and Hermione were there, eyes wide with shock and disbelief. They had come out of the Great Hall in time to see what I was doing and, unfortunately, stop me. They immediately carted me off to Dumbledore's office and told him what happened.

You found out somehow . . .you always find out . . .and when I saw you later that afternoon you were visibly shaking and kept looking at me, your eyes asking me what I had been THINKING. I just looked away from you, I didn't want to see you just then.

After that day, I was never left alone, everyone was afraid I'd try it again. I could even sense your presence from time to time, watching me when you thought I didn't know . . . I did though. Hermione became like a shadow to me, being the best support system she could, and I'm sure she blames herself for what happened . . .thinking that she failed me somehow. It wasn't her fault, though, I just couldn't stand it . . .feeling that thing growing inside of me.

Everyone was so worried about me and making sure I didn't try to hurt myself or the fetus again, but nobody ever thought to take my wand from me. I guess they all thought that I could do no harm with it. That's why, one evening during my sixth month, it came as a surprise to all of them when I DID use it against myself. People were crowded around me, touching me, wanting to feel it kick their hand. Nobody thought about the fact that I HATED the feel of it kicking ME, I hated having this thing in my body. Finally, in an act of desperation, I broke away from them and pulled my wand out from my robe. No one had time to react as I pointed it at myself . . .more precisely, my midsection . . .and muttered the curse. The last thing I remember seeing before losing consciousness was the shocked looks of horror on everyone's face as the flash of green light erupted from the end of my wand.

When I regained consciousness, you were at my side. You were shaking again and this time tears were falling freely down your face. The only word you could form was why, and I knew you wanted to know why I had done it. I didn't really have an answer for you. All I knew what that I never wanted it, not from the moment I found out.


End file.
